The Restoration of my Best Friend

After three long and trying months, my bi-cycle is finally in working condition.

However, it was with no help of my lout neighbor; a man who toils around in oil slicks and gasoline puddles while aligning transmissions on automobiles at the local auto store. But, when it comes to repairing the most perfected and clean mode of transportation, i.e. my bi-cycle, he thinks of himself as too swank.

Instead, I fixed it myself. And it only took a couple hours, mind you those couple hours I could have been doing something other than sullying my hands; reading the Star & Tribune, browsing my most favorite record store Finyl Vinyl, or losing myself deep in thought; but I am an industrious fellow and set out to repair my bi-cycle.

Unfortunately, I soon realized I have spent most my life learning of the intellectual pursuits in life, and knew little on how to properly monkey a hammer or a hand drill. This would be a rather large obstacle if I was to finish with the repairs in time for today's Thought Rally in the park.

I began to sweat a bit, partially from the distress that was overtaking me and partially from the heat, so I removed my scarf; and while finding a proper place to set it down I saw a hulking brute walk past,

"Pardon, but my bi-cycle does not seem to work. Here are the tools I have, come fix it for me." Seeing the valiant effort I had thus far put forth, the sweatband wearing man heeded my advice. It was apparent that the bright spot of his day is when he visits Home Depot, beause within minutes he was done and my bi-cycle was in it's previous pristine condition.

He warned me of the problem, but I paid no attention his nonsensical statement. I don't even know how to perform a kick stand, nevermind doing one into the rear wheel. I had obviously misjudged the mechanical IQ of this man and was lucky he did not do further damage.

I mounted my bi-cycle, and went on my way to the village green, making sure to not thank the bothersome passer-by.

An Atheists response

I often find myself having conversations about religion, during which I, inevitably, am asked why I am an atheist. I then take a measured pause and reply,

"When I look out into nature, society and the world, I see it's great complexity and beauty; the chiseled elegance of the Grand Canyon, the wonderment that is the northern lights, and the raw, inspiring power of a tornado shredding through an unneeded trailer community.

"But, I am then forced to reconcile these splendid occurrences with the fact that their creator, if their was one, is the same being which brought you to be. You being a person so moronic as to question the logic behind not believing in an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent being that created everything we experience in six Gregorian calender days, but was then so utterly exhausted that it needed to rest for 24 hours to regain it's godly strength.

"The fact that you, or anyone beyond the age of six, accepts any of that tripe as fact and is so impassioned by God's mystical touch that they repeat it to others, claiming to be saving their enchanted magical ghost - otherwise called a soul - is proof enough that there is no god."

To: Rambix

In response to More Detail Emerges On Vicious University Of Minnesota Beatings and this man or woman's blog in general.

Local Dolt,

Do not call what you are doing reporting. You state that you twice previously reported on this incident. No you didn't. You linked other stories that reported the attack. You twice previously linked it. You are a linker, not a reporter.

I have noticed that throughout your blog you have a penchant to bold what you feel are the important sections of linked text. Why is this?

Is your typical readership such a gaggle of half-wits that without your hand holding they end up lost in a sea of words, sentences and paragraphs? With no clue as to where to focus their attention, and to what conclusion is to be drawn from such focal points?

I hope you and your twit audience were able to grasp the meaning of my comment without the customary bolding. Perhaps it is this lack of highlighted verbiage that has caused your readers to flee repectable news sources, such as the Star Tribune, and for you to so handily and willfully misconstrue story after story.

And, in doing so, mold your gullible masses and bring superfluously alarmist attention to a "siege of crime" in minneapolis. When in fact, it is very possible it is merely due to statitical variance.

Satiated,
Douglas Sinclair

P.S. Producing provocative, fresh, and inspiring content is not your strong suit.

Brooding upon the Paltry

I am so utterly tired of 9/11. Everywhere I turn there is a man in overalls waving an American flag and informing all passers-by in a slurred drawl that he "will never forget!" Every newspaper I open has a photo of an overweight mother from a desolate red state; Idaho, Montana, Wyoming; screeching banshee-like howls of sorrow accompanied with a storm surge of tears. It's been five years since those melodramatic events took place, I say this trite nation needs to fall silent on the matter and move on.

I lived through 9/11, it was no big deal. People died, yes, but people die every day due to a multitude of endeavors; from autoerotic asphyxiation to bloodletting. But, others don't whine and cry, and wail and moan about these other equally unfortunate deaths. Their friends and family say, "adios, you're a ghost," and save the rest of society from petty weeping by letting go.

Our culture isn't inundated with these people's passing. No one calls them heroes, no congressional time is wasted on how their deaths came to be, there are no front page tributes to their heroics; they are cast into the refuse bin of history, never to be lauded for their last moments on earth. And for no other reason than that they were unlucky enough to not die in a "national tragedy."

Maybe these forgotten souls wanted to be remembered just as much those capitalist fat cats that worked in the World Trade Center. I know my dearly departed cat, Sir MacKenzie, had the highest of hopes for his life, similar to the repeatedly honored 9/11 victims, but he is never mentioned as a hero, victim, or tragic character. The anniversary of his death came and went, and there were no memorial funds raised in his memory, no annual reading of his name, no marble engravings in homage of his consequential, yet all too short, life. He is doomed to be forever stricken from the pages of history. A being that was near and dear to the hearts of all whom were graced with his presence. This is the true tragedy of 9/11.

I love you Sir MacKenzie.

The Path to 9/11, part 1

It is rare for me to expend my valuable attentional resources focusing on television. I would much rather spend time enlightening myself through the creation of prose, smelling a glorious Lilac bush, or reading the genius that is Hemingway. However, tonight I made the decision to visit a friend's house and examine the ABC docudrama, The Path to 9/11. I am sorry that I did.

This "film" was nothing more than right wing propaganda; merely a conservative talking point, produced to provide poltical gain to the neocons. Which may have been acceptable had it been a finely constructed piece of propaganda filmmaking, like Hitler Youth Quex by the Nazis, and Mission to Moscow by the USSR. But, like most Bush administration endeavors, this film was bungled in every possible way.

The lighting was horrendous, the angle choices made by the director were those of a neophyte and did nothing to further the film's "hidden" agenda, and the script was very Clancy-esque; self-indulgent, formulaic and pablum. Three oversights that do not provide optimal conditions for brainwashing the consuming masses.

Here are a few choice quotes from the desperately transparent script:

John O'Neil: We are at war here.
Richard Clarke: Yes, a war on terror! I only hope that in the future the press realizes this, and does not expose essential programs used to fight this war; in the name of civil liberties. Thus, informing our enemy, rendering the programs useless, and leaving the American people helpless against the evil that wants us dead.

Pakistani Fighter: Are there any men left in Washington? Or do they no realize the danger this man [Osama Bin Laden] poses? If this democratic presidential administration does not capture him today, in 1998, who can tell what ravages he will perpetrate on the America in as soon as three years.

Patricia Carver: You should have captured Bin Laden! We had information to capture him, but you [Richard Clarke], President Clinton, and the democratic party are too weak on terror! Do you not realize that if we refuse to capture him and fight him in the middle east, he will only be emboldened to fight us here on our American streets, cities, and airplanes!

News Reporter, after American bombing of a Sudanese Phramaceutical plant: Many here in Sudan question why Mr. Clinton has decided to bomb their peaceful town, whose only purpose was to manufacture medicine for AIDS patients, when he is the one that is too busy cheating on his poor presidential candidate of a wife to properly fight the war on terror.

To: The Minnesota Daily

Published in the September 7, 2006 edition of The Minnesota Daily, Opinion page


Unimportant stories

Not surprisingly, the beginning of a new school year has made it apparent, once again, that the quality of The Minnesota Daily will never deteriorate; nor improve. The Sept. 5 edition proved that the Daily likes the middle ground, otherwise known as mediocrity.

On the front page, a place usually reserved for the most important news of the day, I was informed by JP Leider of the existence of a "firewall" and that I should install one on my computer to make it more secure. This was next to a most shocking story by Vadim Lavrusik entitled, "Students make mass move into residence halls." Who would have imagined that students attending the University would move into the campus' residence halls at the beginning of the new school year? I can see the wisdom of these stories prominently gracing your front page; while the other local newspaper, The Star Tribune, chose hackneyed stories involving the U.N. mediating prisoner talks and local Somalians being financially hurt by the government's crackdown on terrorism.

On your opinion page, the intended intelligence level of your readership is shown by the Opinions editor Frances Zerr. Her words enlightened me as I was informed that an editorial cartoon "pens important issues," that the number of deaths in Iraq has increased since last May and other banal minutia that, apparently, needed to be explained to the infantile readers the Daily assumes it attracts.

I suggest that the Daily - a publication which has never been afraid to brag that it is the third most circulated daily newspaper in Minnesota - begin to consistently publish articles of relevance and importance. Because being a widely circulated newspaper that publishes uninspiring stories of the mundane is nothing to brag about.

Douglas Sinclair
former University student


NOTE: While I am pleased to see the Daily published my letter in an admission of their incompetence, I am also dismayed. They deleted two whole paragraphs, one of which highlighted their daft usage of Wikipedia as a source.

They will be receiving another letter of complaint, notifying them that my art, words, and thoughts are not to be censored in any manner.